Monster
by WolfBloodBaptism
Summary: Sometimes, having a monster inside of you can go both ways, good and bad. How does one handle it being both?


_**The secret side of me, I never let you see  
I keep it caged but I can't control it  
So stay away from me, the beast is ugly  
I feel the rage and I just can't hold it**_

_****_

It's scratching on the walls, in the closet, in the halls  
It comes awake and I can't control it  
Hiding under the bed, in my body, in my head  
Why won't somebody come and save me from this, make it end?

_**I feel it deep within, it's just beneath the skin  
I must confess that I feel like a monster  
I hate what I've become, the nightmare's just begun  
I must confess that I feel like a monster **_

He stared in the mirror, his eyes holding a crazed look he'd never seen before. He slowly raised his hand, rubbing his cheek absently, as his mind flew back to what he had done only a few hours ago.

_Rage, uncontrollable rage. A strong scent in the air, one bringing out the primal dominant male inside of him. The want -nay, _need_- to protect what was most precious to him. Racing images as he sped down the dark tunnels; right, left, left, right, straight ahead. The scent filling his mind. Then the sight, the sight of another male hunched over what was rightfully _his_. The sound of growling mixing with that of running water and a soft moaning from the figure laid out on the ground. The feel of the other's arm in my jaws, the feel of his claws ripping into my side. The taste of his blood pouring into my mouth as my teeth tear at his skin, always _always_ going for the kill. Finally, he collapses, unable to continue. I gaze down at the slowly breathing dark figure, watching as her purple hair flutters on her face with every exhale. My hands -_claws_- reaching out to gently stroke her face before the sounds of rushing people meet my ears. I growl out as those I called friends rushed in._

He watched as his hand slowly started scratching his cheek hard, as though to drown out the images with the pain, until he fell onto his floor, scattering various junk around him. Tears cascaded down his face, sobs wracking his slight green body, as the knowledge of his complete monstrosity hit him full force.

_**My secret side I keep hid under lock and key  
I keep it caged but I can't control it  
'Cause if I let him out he'll tear me up, break me down  
Why won't somebody come and save me from this, make it end?**_

_****_

I feel it deep within, it's just beneath the skin  
I must confess that I feel like a monster  
I hate what I've become, the nightmare's just begun  
I must confess that I feel like a monster

_**I feel it deep within, it's just beneath the skin  
I must confess that I feel like a monster  
I, I feel like a monster  
I, I feel like a monster **_

He watched her floating in the air on their roof, her mantra coming from her lips as though it was on a loop. Her face was perfectly blank, as it was much of the time. Only he could ever see the emotion in the back of her eyes, but now she was holding that from him. He silently sat next to her, eyes watching the coming sunrise as he just listened to her breathing and talking, the same words over and over again that have dominated her life since she was a little girl.

"Azarath...Metrion...Zinthos...Azarath...Metrion...Zinthos..."

_Eyes wide with fear as a veritable army of clones surround me, pressing in on all sides. I feel doubt start to worm it's way into my mind, making me wonder if I can do this, making me second guess how much I could protect her. Her, the one I would give anything to keep safe, even my own life. I watch as they come closer, _him_ at the lead, the one we've fought so many times I can't count, the only villain who has ever bested us time and time again and gotten away. Then the doubt, the fear was gone. In it's place stood only confidence and rage. Rage that he would dare come here to harm her. Rage that _anyone_ would dare harm her. Before I knew it, I changed. I changed into something I swore I would never turn into again. This time, though, it would end differently. This time I would stop him no matter what. Nobody threatens her and gets away with it. I life my claws into the air and let out a roar that shatters the windows around me, who's very shock wave tossed several of the closer clones back. Nothing would harm her and live._

He sighed as he looked over at her, remembering how even then he had failed. He always failed when the pressure was on, when he shouldn't have failed. Always. At least she got away for a short amount of time, at least he was able to give her that. But she never gave up on him, just like he never gave up on her. And hopefully that will never change. As long as they are together, everything will always work out in the end.

_**It's hiding in the dark, it's teeth are razor sharp  
There's no escape for me, it wants my soul, it wants my heart  
No one can hear me scream, maybe it's just a dream  
Maybe it's inside of me, stop this monster**_

_****_

I feel it deep within, it's just beneath the skin  
I must confess that I feel like a monster  
I hate what I've become, the nightmare's just begun  
I must confess that I feel like a monster

_**I feel it deep within, it's just beneath the skin  
I must confess that I feel like a monster  
I've gotta lose control, he something radical  
I must confess that I feel like a monster **_

He stood outside her door, the sounds of sobbing filtering through the steel door to assault his ears. He begged her to let him in, to let him explain, but she kept denying him entrance. Kept trying to send him away. All because of a joke gone bad.

_I wait for her to come out into the common room, my mind buzzing with excitement and nervousness. Today was the day I made her laugh, a real laugh and not the usual smile and chuckle she had always let out. I had prepared for this moment for days, keeping back all of my standard jokes, knowing that this would be perfect. Nobody else knew about it, only me, which is the way it should be. Finally, I hear the doors slide open, the sound of her footsteps telling me it's the one I want. Then I put my plan into motion. Great personal sacrifice is always required for the best of plans, and this was no different. I feel my body flying around the room, bashing into things, things falling on top of me. I feel myself fall to the ground repeatedly, though I am very lucky to not break myself in half. Finally, I come to a stop on the floor in front of her, my eyes on her dark boots. My eyes slowly look up, my face showing my embarrassment, as I take in all of her, just like I always do when I can get away with it. Finally I look up into her violet eyes, amusement shining out of them as she looks back at me. Then two things happen: She starts laughing hysterically, and I'm finding myself flying backwards to smash against the wall. Hard. My head slams back and everything goes red. I glare at her, two parts of my mind screaming different things to me. One calling for blood, the other calling for forgiveness. Blood one and I lash out, leaving a red imprint on her face as she just looks at me, pain and anguish in her eyes before she runs out. I'm left in the thoroughly trashed room, my self even more so._

Now he was left crying on one side of the door, listening to her crying on the other, wanting so much to get her to stop. But no, he was always that little green monster who always failed at everything but making those he loved upset. The knowledge he gained when he first changed into that creature came back with a force, the knowledge that he would always be a monster. Always be the one with something trying to get out and kill.


End file.
